(imported from other blog. Original post date: 9/20/07)
I missed last Thursday’s entry, and my old computer died so I haven’t been on AIM… so for those of you back home I haven’t talked to in a while, let’s kick this puppy off with a few quick Yes and No updates about my life in Will Smith’s Wild Wild West over the past couple weeks.
Yes, I am still alive, even after the tazer incident.
No, I have not been able to watch much of the NL East race, as we don’t get SNY out here.
Yes, I am furious about the above fact.
No, I do not think 2 Fast 2 Furious was a good movie title. I stand by my original thought that it should have been The Faster and the Furiouser.
Yes, I did just recycle an old joke of mine. I blame the northern
No, I have not become a dirty hippie. Even if I adopted their political views, I’d never fit in to their “shower less than once a decade” requirement.
Yes, there’s a 50-50 chance I’m going to be fired from work far before the decade ends for cracking up hysterically when I pick up the customer service line and someone with a funny accent is on the other end of the call.
No, I would not just pack my stuff and walk out if I was fired… I’d sprint to the cafeteria and scoop up 14 platters of Google food on the way out.
Yes, the first thing I thought of when I typed “let’s kick this puppy off” at the beginning of this entry was Jack Black punting the dog off the bridge in Anchorman.
Throughout the US Open, I saw the Gillette commercial with Federer, Tiger, and Thierry Henry several times a day, and I still have NO idea what Henry says. I talked to my brother, and we’ve narrowed it down to either “I never think about yesterday” or “I know a thing about history”… and either way, we’re still confused.Speaking of the US Open, I’ll never understand athletes who wear jewelry while they compete. While this is usually more reserved for the track stars whose feats (or should I say ‘feet’?) are all the more amazing by the fact that they ran that fast while wearing 42 pounds of bling in their necklaces, Justine Henin somehow played her entire match wearing a rather expensive looking watch.Luckily for her, my friend Sara has kindly volunteered to hold the watch for her forever, so she can focus more on the tennis.
I know it’s already Week 2, but I didn’t write last week, and I feel it’s important to bring up Week 1 to prove a point I’ve been trying to make for a long time. In the Colts-Saints season opener, Jason David, former Colts and current Saints cornerback, was burned for three touchdowns. That’s right: Jason David, a star member of the “Don’t trust me, I have two first names” club. It's called a first name for a reason - it comes First. You can't have a second first, it just doesn't make sense.
While I’m talking about football, did anybody see Champ Bailey’s interception off Josh McCown in the Raiders-Broncos game? What the fuck was Josh McCown thinking? “Oh, I’m under pressure… I need to get rid of the ball… I know! I’ll lob it somewhere… where to lob…. Aha! There’s the best defender in football, I’ll lob it towards him!” It’s like going to the bar, and really feeling like you need to find a girl that night, and then, just as the bar is about to close, when you have to pick one and just go for it, walking up to the one wearing a miniskirt and 2-feet high boots with a cold sore on her lip.
The fact that Beauty and the Geek got a 2-hour season premiere while Family Guy only gets one hour makes me hurt almost as much as the police tazer did earlier this week. (If you aren’t understanding these tazer jokes, read this news story.Unforunately, they got my age wrong… and for some reason, my hair doesn’t look as red in the Youtube video.) Anyway, the fact that these reality shows can get so much airtime is just wrong… although it’s not quite as wrong as this:
(POST-POSTING NOTE: For some reason, it seems to be cutting the right half of the images off for some people. Right click it and click View Image to see the whole thing, cause it doesn't make sense if you only see half.)
Yup, that's a tailor with a bright neon coat hanger right next to a Planned Parenthood center. There’s really not much else to say, other than “hahahaha… wtf were they thinking?”
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