What if our favorite childhood cartoons grew up to become strippers?

I have a friend named Ryan who works with porn advertisers for a living. Surprisingly, this post was actually inspired by my OTHER friend Ryan, who lives back on the east coast and does nothing with porn. Well, at least nothing professional.

Whether or not you actually enjoy porn itself, everyone enjoys a good porn spoof's title. Whether it's "Lord of the G-Strings", "Shaving Ryan's Privates", or "The Sexorcist", porn titles never fail to amuse. With that in mind, my friend Ryan and I recently began to wonder: what if all the childhood cartoons we loved growing up had major daddy issues, developed coke problems, and eventually entered the porn business upon turning 18 years old? What would their porn names have been? Certainly, we can say that Garfield would have just grown up to be Candy or Porsche or Destiny, because Garfield would have been too lazy to come up with a clever name. But what about the others?

After many hours spent diligently and quietly studying in the library - or after about 30 minutes of immature instant messages and giggling, since the blizzard made the roads too messy to get to the library - we were able to create the following list.

Tiny Poon Adventures

Teenage Nubile Ninja Turtles

The Powermuff Girls

Sploogebob Squarepants

Fucktales (WOO-oo!)

Darkwang Fuck (the interracial spin-off of Fucktales)

Chip and Dale Rescue Anal

Boobie Toons

Inspect-her with Gadgets

Analmaniacs

Muffrats

Who Came in Roger Rabbit?

G.I. Hoes

Woody Woodpecker (needs no alteration)

Alvin and the Dickspunks

Betty Boob

Count Fuckula

Aaahh!!! Rear Monsters

Bonkher’s

Daffy Fuck

The Cummy Bears

Nutbusters (watch out, here comes the ectoplasm!)

Muff-it Babies

The Mighty Fucks: The Animated Series

Poopeye

The Pink Part-of-her

Rocko’s Modern Wife (she’s really into wife-swapping, apparently)

Winning the Poop

Dexter’s Labiatory

Cocky & Bulwinkle

Casper the Horny Ghost

The Little Spermaid

Booburama

seX-men

...and of course, when you're ready to move on from your adolescent cartoons to your teenage vampire flicks, you can always throw Thighlight and Thighlight 2: New Poon into your Netflix queue.

Feel free to throw your own ideas in the comments. Props to Ryan for coming up with a bunch of these.