Random thoughts from two big nights of TV, featuring National League Championship Series, two football games, and XXX (the highly believable and realistic action movie, not porn):
The only thing worse than Scott Spiezio’s stupid dyed red quasi-goatee is the fact that a blonde girl in the stands who could be really hot is wearing a fake one, completely ruining her face. Speaking of hot girls in the stands, I think my goal in life is to be the cameraman whose job consists of “keep your camera on and stare at the hot girls in the crowd for the next 20 minutes, so that at some point, we can cut to a shot of her for 2 seconds.” It’s like professional ogling, but with more celebrity sightings.
Squirrels are the sluts of the animal world… the only thing they care about is finding some good nuts.
The announcers just informed me that some players will pull up their socks to try to change things for the better. As opposed to, you know, trying to actually hit the ball for once instead of just swinging and missing.
“I just can’t like a sport where you can chew tobacco while you’re playing it. It’s so stupid.” -Julia’s thoughts on baseball. She’s given plenty of insightful analysis so far, including informing me that Anthony Reyes looks like Bert from
True fact: Vin Diesel has the largest bicep-to-hair ratio in the world.
I live my life a quarter mile at a time.
Killing moths always creeps me out. There’s never any blood or organs or anything… it always just looks like dust. Imagine being a flying misshapen ball of dust.
(Note: if you can imagine this with ease, you need should probably lay off the drugs for a bit.)
More eye-opening truths of the game from the announcers: “when you get thrown out at a base, that’s the best baserunning play you can make.” I don’t know, Tim… personally, I think “being safe” is a better play.
Why did CBS even bother showing a Dolphins-Jets game today? They might as well just show an office flag football game… the level of talent is about the same. Speaking of which, if we took 40 random people off the street and put them in Oakland Raiders uniforms, would anybody notice?
Apparently, Shawn Green’s nickname is “Gumby”, which begs the question: is there a less intimidating name for a lanky professional athlete than Gumby? He just struck out. Maybe if he changes his name to something like “asskicker” or “the lethal weapon”, he’ll swing the bat within a foot of the ball next time.
Random announcement (although, at this point, I should probably just be announcing the times that I have coherent thoughts with a theme instead of the random ones... I’d save myself a lot of work), because I promised Jonny P. I’d mention his team this week… Hey, Yankees and Red Sox fans! Sad that your teams spent 40 gazillion dollars but still couldn’t make it this far? Want to see how a REAL baseball team plays? Come to Club Baseball’s home game this Sunday.
If the Broncos beat the Raiders by less than 20 points, can we just say it’s embarrassing that the game was that close, and give them a loss in the official record books?
Watching St. Louis hit a home run, followed by a little logo popping up to show that the replay is brought to us by DirecTV, basically ensures that not only will I never switch to satellite TV, but I’m going to go buy a bag of rocks to throw at any satellite dishes I can find later tonight.
Joe Theismann, while talking about the Colts’ three best players in past years, just informed me that Edgerrin James “was part of the threesome in
Best part about being Scott Player (the
I think the league office should force the Cardinals to sign a quarterback named Pirate, just so he can throw touchdowns to Marcel Shipp that will read “TD: Pirate-Shipp” in the box score.
I’m out like Meatwad in an IQ contest.
No comments:
Post a Comment